I could not understand the cycles. I have so many interests and what I call "brief but intense enthusiasms," so I'd get involved in a variety of projects (all good things). I'd take on too many responsibilities in each area--sometimes just because I was good at it and desperately needed to feel good about myself. I actually enjoyed these things and poured myself into them...until I got bored. I'd lose interest, procrastinate, and let other people down. Then the activities got to be too much, an overwhelming burden. Somehow everything would be due at the same time!

All of this would have been too much for anyone, let alone someone who couldn't differentiate the important from the unimportant and someone that panicked when under stress and then couldn't function at all. I'd drop the ball and let people down. I’d embarrass myself and live in a world of shame, depression and migraine headaches. I'd promise myself I would never ever let that happen again, so I'd quit everything. But the vicious cycle would soon begin again: boredom, busyness, overwhelm, procrastination, letting other people down, quitting; boredom, busyness, overwhelm, procrastination, letting other people down , quitting, etc., etc., etc.

Getting diagnosed and getting on medication has helped tremendously but it's not a cure-all. I found out I'm not stupid (even though it took me 7 years to finish a 3-credit college class to get a degree--I actually registered and paid 3X!), not lazy (I could work circles around other people, unfortunately I'd be just going around in circles) and not crazy (some might disagree on this last point--I've had some crazy behaviors).

Today, I'm learning more about ADD and slowly putting what I learn into practice. I'm deciding if I want to continue in my present job that pays well but brings me down, or risk something entirely new. I feel hope for the first time in a long time, my husband says I am much easier to get along with, I'm trusting God more than ever and I feel good. I'm learning what to do (through blogs, forums, classes, books) and am gradually making some new habits--one of which is going to bed at a decent hour, so I'll sign off for now. Thanks for sharing and giving me an opportunity to share.

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