Dwanna’s Story

Hello, I am a 35 year old single mom and here is my story. It begins as a child in grade school. I was a shy kid, I excelled in reading and spelling, art and music but I struggled desperately in every grade. I read really well, still do but I can read something and yet cannot retell what I just read nor often remember what the main point is, I can only remember tiny portions if that, I still to this day have great difficulty with this comprehension.

Math, oh, I hate that word, that was my greatest struggle academically speaking, I ended up in a special math class where I was able to begin to learn well and then that was cut short and I was thrown back into regular math class and you could guess what happened from there, I just didn’t get it and still cannot, I can add and do very minor multiplication but anything other than that I have severe difficulty, this includes money counting as well. I recently graduated from Medical Assistant school, even though I passed at 92%, I almost dropped out when medication administration started because “math” was necessary to calculate dosages, I had tutoring and was just getting some of it but as always, that was cut short and I was thrown into the exam and told “the rest of your grades will more than make up for the math”.

I barely passed each grade, I tried to get help but often was brushed aside, labeled “comprehension problems”.

I found it difficult to stay interested and keep my attention, I was never ever hyper but just lacked the concentration and attention span.I don’t even know how I ever made it through school, the teachers must have just “passed” me
I have been treated for severe Major Depression and Generalized Anxiety Disorder for years now, it started in my teens with Prementral Syndrome, doctors placed me on birthcontrol pills, it worsened the symptoms but then after 3 months I seemed fine. About four (4) years ago while seeing my then therapist, during a routine visit the issue of Adult Attention Deficit Disorder came up, she decided to test me based on my complaints and past history of problems. She gave me some questionare’s to complete, one for my mom (childhood sx’s) and one for me as an adult.I was tested with computers as well, they came out as AADD in the moderate range.

Whoa, as I sat in my car and read them, I was in shock, it was totally me, everything listed was me all the way, inability to stay on task, troubles keeping checkbook, trouble following through with tasks, etc. so I thought that my prayers were answered and that I would find the treatment, wrong, nothing was ever done about it and I continued with therapy, attempts at different antidepressants which all made me ill in some way or another. Eventually I lost that insurance in a job change.

I have seen another therapist for over two years now, I like her but I feel like it is doing absolutely nothing to help me. I sit, I talk, she sits, I talk—-that’s it. About three years ago I noticed problems getting worse for me, I have had trouble keeping jobs in the past but as I became a mom I was able to keep my job but with many problems, I get so terribly overwhelmed with too many tasks, I become frustrated, unable to concentrate whatsoever at times, fall behind on my work, constantly get sidetracked, very, very slow and detailed, I have been habitually late, often have to have instructions repeated more than once.

This year I have become so “ill” as I call it that I have set off depression/anxiety so bad, I “zombie” out, unable to complete tasks, I catch myself constantly starting one, jumping to another and catching myself, trying to get back on track and ending up being a viscious cycle. I have lost the ability to handle my checkbook which has placed me in a real uncomfortable posistion at ctimes. I just got a promotion and am having great difficulty with all the responsibilities, I become nervous and want to breakdown.My house once spotless (my norm) is unable to keep up with it, this is a biggie for me.

I am very creative/talented, I am an artist and singer, played musical intruments in teens but often my talent is wasted. I plan to call this week to get a new therapist that deals with AADD, maybe once in my life I will get the right treatment? I would like to chat with anyone who is same, I work in the research mental health field and have a great compassion for the mentally ill. Thank you for letting me share just a wee bit of my story.