Nicole’s Story

Hi, My name’s Nic and I’m 26 years old. I have recently been diagnosed by a friend as ADD. This comes after many, many years of utter frustration. For the last 7 years I have been treated for depression, and put on antidepressants. When these didn’t work, I took the whole box and ended up in the local ER. I didn’t want to die, I just wanted the whirring, buzzing, speeding world to stop. I found it hard to sleep and am still on sleeping tablets, I couldn’t sleep because of all the whirring images and stories and idea flowing through my head. My body wanted sleep, my brain couldn’t give it.

All of my primary school report cards say that I was a daydreamer, that i didn’t listen, and that I didn’t follow instructions, and that I never paid attention. However, they did say I was good at poetry, music and drawing. My high school reports weren’t much better. I rrememberbeing afraid of showing my parents my primary school reports because I actually thought I was doing my very best, although I could hold an intelligent conversation with an adult, my grades certainly didn’t reflect that I had a brain at all! This was the MOST frustrating for me. Being told I wasn’t put in my best, when I honestly thought I was.

It was only 2 weeks ago that a friend of mine working as a psychologist came to my house and said “I think it’s ADD you suffer from, not depression”. I thought “not me, that’s a kid’s thing”…after reading every story on this website I couldn’t be more wrong! – I then told her I recalled my younger brother (who is now 18) taking Ritalin as a child. Everything started to make sense. No wonder I’ve been so frustrated all my life. My sister was always a straight A student and I was tired of the “why can’t you be more like your sister” routine. When my brother came along mum and dad would say “we can’t believe how much he is like you! He does silly things like you too!”…my brother and I got along extremely well, because I saw myself in him…he was just like i was!

I am yet to see a psychiatrist as I have an appointment on Monday (my first) and to be honest, I’m very excited!! Finally i know i’m not going “nuts” or “crazy”…it’s just the ADD. I wish to go to Uni and study, but have put it off for so long, knowing I could never even do an assignment let alone a whole year of them! I wish everyone the best, and thank you all for sharing your stories with me at a time when I feel most alone. Thanks!! ps. Please write to me if you’d like to discuss this further, as I have no one to talk to this about.