Kia’s Story

I was actually just trying to get a better concept of what ADD was exactly when I stumbled onto this page. Reading these stories almost made me cry because I thought I was the only one who felt this way. My name is Kia and I’m currently half way through my senior year. I was diagnosed with ADD halfway through my sophomore year.

Well, I’ll tell you a little bit out my life. Well, I guess you could say that in a way my life really began in third grade when I moved to where I still am now, at the age of 17. I was really excited about moving. Meeting new people and making friends was a passion of mine. However, things weren’t exactly as great as I thought it would be. On top of having ADD I’m multiracial(white and black). The first time I actually realized I was different was when I was called blacky. My initial reaction was I started to cry. The kids started laughing at me, and from that moment on I promised never to cry infront of anyone again. I have alway been highly sensitive. I remember crying in bed on numerous occasions after teasing got worse and wanting to move back to where my “real friends” lived.

Things got better when I started modeling in 4th grade. I was always busy going to NYC for auditions and interviews. Modeling to me was the only place where I could be myself, outgoing, nice, meet new people, and have everyone’s attention. Since I was a little terd I had always wanted to be a singer and modeling was the closes thing to it at the time. It kept me busy where I really didn’t even think about the kids I went to school with. Everything was going great until my 6th grade year came where my grades started to drop and the hormones started kicking in. My mother and father took me out of modeling and I hated them for that. Then my attitude started to change and outbursts at home started to occur.

My mother having kids didn’t help either. My dad would say everytime my mom had another kid I would regress. I did now looking back on it. I didn’t have all the attention, and I hated it. When I went to school I started feeling like I didn’t know where I belonged. I hung out with so many different “clicks” but I’d only be with them for a little while. Who I hung out with was decided by what I was into at the time, whether it would be horses, sports or something of that nature. Blaming my parents for not fitting in and not being able to understand me was a daily ritual. On the educational side of school my grades were slipping even more, teachers would always get upset because I didn’t get along with most of the kids and talked to much. Not handing in assignments and blowing off anything that didn’t interest me was what I did.

From 6th to half way through 10th grade I missed out on so many activities because I couldn’t control my temper at home. Getting into fights mostly with my father, having a screaming match then running out of the house bare-foot in all kinds of weather gave me a lot of exercise. HaHa! But it was just so intense and the next day I could vaguely remember the night b4. Writing poetry is what I used as an outlet for my pain. I wouldn’t let myself cry or be seen crying, so I wrote my tears with words. I felt depressed and wanted to get far away from my family as possible.

Things got a little better when I was put on ritalin. I remember when I first took it. I was quiet, so alert and focused on what ever I did. The only problem was when it wore off it was like crashing after getting high(so to speak) and I had horrible mood swings. I was improving until my friend died. She had been the friend that had helped and understood me throughout since 7th grade. I stopped taking the medication and I got depressed. My parents not understanding and me really crying for the first time in 5 years made me feel weak. When I cried that day I didn’t only cry because of my friend but for all the emotions that I had kept inside for all the time. I cried about six hours a day. Some how I felt as though I could have stopped it from happening if I didn’t have ADD. It was me not only hating life but hating myself. My 10th grade year was ruined and the highest academic grade on my report card was a C.

In the beginning of junior year my mom changed my prescription to adderall. I was doing better, I didn’t hate myself as much and started meeting new people who went to other schools around me. I almost felt like I belonged. During the middle of my junior year, I was giving the wrong medicine for ADD from the pharmacy. My grades started to drop and me not being able to control my anger came back. We didn’t realize that I was taking the wrong medication until I had almost finished the bottle.

To make a long story short I got back on track. Right now as a senior I’m being faced with important life decisions. I’m not sure where I’m headed. However, knowing that I’m not the only one who has felt misunderstood, awkward with other people and confused makes me feel more normal. I really want to let you all know that reading and being able relate to your stories has helped me understand myself more. Thank you all…