Moses’ Story

I am 18 years old now and I am currently in the United States Military. I am in the Navy. I am an enlisted man and I am an Aviation Electrician. I dont know how I made it as far a I have but I know that this is not all that I am capable of. I made it through schools of training but I dont know if I really like what I am doing.

I dont know whether I have ADD or not but I suspect that ADD might be the cause of my isolation, inattentiveness, anxiety, addiction, restlessness, feelings of underachievement, procrastination and all of the other faucets that I saw in myself while reading some of the biographies on this website. I think that my ADHD went undiagnosed as a child and eventually went into a state of restlessness and inattentiveness as an adult.

I know what it is like to not be able to focus on one task. I know what it is like to not be able to settle on one interest. Always skipping from one thing to another without completing any task. Everything just feels like a confusing ball of randomness. I cannot slow anything down around me. Everything is so confusing.

I remember as a child me and my brother doing some impulsive things. We would poke holes in the roof of our trailor home with brooms. We would burn holes in couches with lighters and constantly engage in fits and fighting with everyone.

I think that ADD may have genetically related origins with my family line. My father is addicted to drugs and alcohol. My mother is epileptic but she still has problems with getting a job or even getting anything going for herself. My brother was diagnosed with ADD but he never continued his treatment which eventually led him to his position now. He seems to heading down the same road that my parents went down.

I was diagnosed with depression and insomnia at times but I dont think that is the source of my problem. I was on 30mg of Zoloft. The zoloft took some of the anxiety away but there was really no change in my behavior. I was able to settle down a little more. After about 6 months of Zoloft I was off. Now I am on ambient but it doesnt work at all. I suspect that ADD is the problem that I need to look into now.

I had all of the problems that everyone on this website spoke of. I have had problems socially, personally, and professionally. I dont have any friends or any kind of social contacts. I am socially distant because I have been battling with low self esteem and confidence. I am lucky enough to understand that my poblems are not my fault but knowing that I am product of my genetics and social cline.

Somehow I knew that there was something different about how I was. I knew that I was intelligent but my scholastic achievements were not showing it. I know that I am intelligent, athletic, and handsome but I have nothing to show for it. Sometimes I just feel hopeless. So I know that something isnt right. I dont want to feel sorry for myself and mope around because I know that people just dont get as lucky as me. I just want to get the problem fixed and move on.

Classmates and fellow shipmates noticed my inattentiveness in class and when I sociallized. They noticed how worn and ragged I looked because of my restlessness. They told me that I had low self esteem. They noticed how disorganized I was. It was total turmoil I had no friends.

I did not contact my relatives for months on hand. I just wanted to get away from it all. Sometimes I would want to just die. My roomate in my last command told me that I might have ADD so I looked into it and now I am here trying to get some clarity on the issue. My roomate told me that I had all the symptoms that he had corressponding to ADD. A nurse told me that I had all the symptoms of Adult Attention Deficit Disorder.

So now all I have to do is continue my psychological evaluation. I dont know whether I will get discharged from the military or not but I dont care. All I want to do is eventually get whatever problem I have fixed.

I am just trying to catch myself before I go over the edge.