Elodie’s Story

I remember as a very young child, maybe 2 or 3, clinging to my father’s pant leg when we were in a crowd. It was simply overwhelming! I struggled in preschool to fit in, never remembering what I was supposed to do.

Next was kindergarten which I was withdrawn from 3/4 of the way through the first go-around because I was “not ready”. I was still not able to stay with whatever was going on the next year.

It seems that when I am in a group that everything can start coming freeze frames. Then I just drift off into my head daydreaming. My report cards always said “does not live up to her potential” or “does not finish her work” or does not follow directions” or “always daydreaming”. I rarely ever finished an assignment or test. What I did was considered quite good, but I always got bad grades. The only test that I did well on was the IQ test which was fun! Everyone, teachers, parents etc. would just shake their heads in disappointment.

At the beginning of my freshman year I was in a self paced packet type algebra class. I finished the year in about 6 weeks with a score in the 90’s. I did not go back to class after that. The first quarter I received an A, second a B, third a C and forth a D. I was expected to go to class and continue on to the next level but not get credit for it and I just didn’t. Kind of passive agressive huh! I dropped out of high school in the first quarter of my senior year, knowing that I would not have enough credits to graduate.

On to college, beauty, two community colleges, one university. All failure.

At 20 almost 21 I married. Then at 22 almost 23 I had my only child. I could never keep an organized house, but I had a very understanding husband. We did not invite many folks in because it was always such a mess. I was very happy until my husband past away after 15 years of marriage.

The work world had the same affect on me as school, but I white knuckled it and kept my jobs, determined to be on time and do what I had to do. It is sheer agony to this day. To get up and going it takes me 2 to 3 hours. I get up very very early, as I am a school bus driver now. At the end of the day all I can do is fall over from sheer exhaustion. My son is now 27 and married. He has ADD. When we first discovered his is when I decided that I may also have it. I know it should have been obvious, but I always thought that I was just a failure, a bad person that just did not ever get anything finished.

I remarried 4 years ago and have found a wonderful man who puts up with me. It would be nice if he didn’t have to put up with it, but I don’t know how to get help.