It became apparent in the first grade that I was different. My class had a multiple choice written test. The question that stands out in my mind the most is…Johnny has a red wagon. What color is Johnny’s wagon? The choices were: green, purple, red, or blue. My answer was “purple”. I was asked why I chose “purple” when the answer was right in front of me. My reply was, “I don’t know, I guess I just wanted it to be purple?” My mom thought it was funny at the time. I wasn’t intending it to be funny. (To this day my parents have no clue what is going on with me.)
I couldn’t understand why I chose the incorrect answer. Teachers always said I was intelligent and gifted.As a child was (and am) a great reader and could pronounce even the most difficult of words most then adults struggled with. My set back with language was comprehension. Phonics they called it. I have to read the same thing over and over and over again. I can read anything, but not understand what the author is writing about.
All throughout school my report cards had notations from my teachers stating something like this… She is a great reader BUT doesn’t comprehend the words. B=behold, the U=ultimate T=truth! (how I look at BUT) does not pay attention, won’t apply herself, bright child-only daydreams a lot, does not try hard enough. The list goes on forever.
It seems all I am gifted at is vocals.(singing) I never learned math. I have trouble retaining things. I also get overwhelmed with ‘static’ and just shut down. I know I am smart. I just can\’t pay attention! I fell through the cracks in school and was passed from grade to grade with an over all “C” to “D” average until my senior year of high school when all I had to take was English (no math, science, or history) and had two of the most wonderful teachers in the universe.I graduated with a 3.5 average. A MIRACLE in itself. I couldn’t plan to go to college as I have tried to comprehend the concepts of math, but not conquered it yet.
So, enough of the academics. Let’s get on to the social aspect of things. I have trouble paying attention to conversations. I have always had to ask people to repeat what they have just said. A lot of times they say something like this…”You were looking right at me when I told you!” “Where were you?” The fact is I couldn’t tell ya. Not here obviously.
My mind never shuts off. I really have to over focus to hear the whole conversation as I am always thinking of something while they are speaking. My boyfriend is starting to catch on. I have been very crafty to hide this so called “condition” all my life. It’s gotten to the point where I have to find out what this is and get help.
I am not doing well at ‘another job’ (as usual). I am making “stupid mistakes” and not “paying attention to details”. (another boss who has noticed something isn’t quite right) I have a doctor appointment in a couple days for an evaluation for ADD. I hope there is help out there for me. I don’t want to run and hide anymore!!!