Kari’s Story

I feel compelled to share my story after reading the other stories. I am a 20 year old girl who fights a battle with ADD every single day of her life.

It started when I was a little girl. My mother always told me that I was always busy, always doing something, always moving, talking, thinking, creating. I was very creative. I was always coming up with my own games and ideas, stories and creations. In school I was scattered and unfocused. My teachers told my mother that “I would be doing so well, if only I applied myself and focused.” I’m sure all of you have heard that line 10,000 or so times.

In high school I was the ultimate queen of excuses. Getting assignments done? I thought I would. I would write it down, make a plan for it, and then come home and sleep, day dream, use the computer, draw, meet friends. At the point where it become too late to complete the assignment is where I actually would try. I would try to get out of doing it. I was amazing at creating excuses. My Mother didn’t think it was funny, but I was pretty proud of it. Like, look what I can do! I can get out of anything. What a trait to have. Most times it worked, but when it didn’t, I was angry at whoever didn’t buy my story. And it was almost like I would actually convince myself that my excuse was valid and that person who didn’t buy my crap was a mean, horrible person for not letting me off the hook. Let’s just say, I was very good at being on my own side. I was my own little cheerleader. But I was cheering myself at the all the wrong actions.

Not only did this excuse thing apply at school, it applied everywhere. I had to do something. Whether it be clean, look for a job, make an appointment, call someone. Good luck. And still to this day, good luck. I make excuses before hand. I could have actually done the thing I had to do 10 or more times in the time that I didn’t do it. But before then, I have an excuse ready. “I fell asleep” “I want to wait to schedule that appointment because…” “I had to go somewhere and do something” “I had no time” When in reality, I just basically sat, day dreamed, played computer games, invented theories in my head, whatever I did instead.

I am now in college and it’s almost the exact same as high school. I realized last summer that I could very well have ADD. I was reading an article about a woman who has it and she mentioned never being on time with her bills, always being scattered and unfocused, never getting things done… She was telling my story! She was me and I had ADD. I was finally diagnosed with it a couple of months ago, although I knew about it for a year. I was relieved, but sad. Sometimes I feel so weighed down and trapped and lost. But I like me. I do. It’s just hard trying to convince people that you really do care and you really do want to get things done. I have all the symptoms. I switch jobs, I can’t stick with something, I have horrible relationships, I’m always bored, I’m unorganized, I’m late, etc. etc.

I do think there is hope. I’ve always wanted to change. But as I’m sure all of you know, change is like a brick wall in the middle of the road. It’s impossible to get past. I think we can break down that wall and be something, maybe not exactly what society expects of us, but there is still hope for all of us. Never stop loving who you are. And just try to be calm, hold still, and be patient.