I have an appointment today with my therapist. It will be my 2nd. It is at 2:00 pm and although it is now only 9:36 am, I am dreading getting up, taking a shower and getting ready, and making the hour-long drive to her office. I am supposed to be folding clothes, washing dishes that were left from last night, cleaning out the cat litter, etc. I know all this needs to be done. I stay awake long hours at night thinking of the stuff that needs to be done but am totally overwhelmed at the thought of completing the tasks.My kitchen counter gets so cluttered with mail and other stuff, the mound is too much to handle. And you should see my bathroom counter and bedroom dresser top. Of course, my husband thinks I’m lazy, stubborn, and irresponsible.
I saw an episode of Jane Pauly on TV and she talked about adult ADD. I knew then this was me. I taped it and asked my husband to watch it. He agreed that adult ADD is what must be my problem. However, he was not very sympathetic and time passed. What brought me to a therapist last week was depression. I figured this must be what is wrong with me. We talked about chronic fatigue syndrome and she wondered if I had that. I had often thought that, too. So this morning I researched it online and I don’t have it. Then I remembered the Jane Pauly show and looked up adult ADD. Again, I’d swear I have this disorder. I just feel like something has got to give in my life or I’ll lose my family.
My husband stays very, very upset that I just won’t (can’t is more like it) do the things around the house. I find myself staying in my pajamas and not taking a shower and staying in the bed all day–not sleeping, but daydreaming for hours and hours on end. If I do get up and start something like washing the clothes, I fill up all the laundry baskets with the clean clothes (which drives hubby nuts) and we live out of those as opposed to folding them and putting them away. Sometimes I walk around and look at the piles of clutters on the counters and about the house and just stand there and stare at them. Ultimately, I walk away from it and it never gets done.
I have a job as an RN at a busy med/surg unit in a hospital. I’m always the last one to leave from my shift because I take care of patients first then do my computer charting. I know I should do both during those 12-13 hr days, but I just can’t sit still and do all that charting at appropriate times (thank goodness for “document edit” in regards to times done). Anyway, I could go on and on. As I sat here reading other people’s stories, I felt compelled to write a little of my story.
Now I know what will be the first thing I bring up today with my therapist. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get in to see the psychiatrist until the end of this month, so I know I won’t be on any meds until then. But at least I won’t be stuck on a lot of medications for problems that I don’t have. I would love to try Adderall or Strattera or anything out there for adult ADD before I try any other medications. Wish me luck. I feel like I’m starting an exhausting journey, one I hope to be able to complete.