Rob’s Story

I’m 37 years old and just found out that I have had ADD my whole life. I don’t know where to begin so I will just start when I was a kid. When I was in elementary school my teachers could not understand why I wasn’t doing good in school. I was tested because they thought my hearing was bad or something. When they tested me they found out that I was extremely smart and should be in the gifted program. However, I was left in regular classes and don’t know how I made it from grade to grade. I do remember day dreaming all the time and not being able to get along with other kids very well. I also remember looking at other boy’s and thinking to my self, “why do they get along so well with others when I can’t”.

I remember going to skating parties as a kid and sitting on the bench sad because nobody else wanted to be my friend. In middle school I got into so much trouble that my parents were forced to put me into a remedial school for bad kids. I hated that place so much that I did everything I could to get back to the regular middle school. My 8th grade year I went back to the regular middle school and did pretty good.

I remember always being told by my father that I never finished anything I started. Evidence of this was the multiple hobbies I attempted but never stayed with any of them. I was always getting in trouble for not listening to my parents and seemed to always be on restriction growing up. I never did homework and my parents had to leave a list of things for me to do when I got home every day for chores or I would never do them. The one statement I can hear in my head over and over again from my mother is “Your so Bad!”

My father did not know how to handle a child with ADD (since nobody knew I had it) and had a very bad temper. I ended up running away from home several times as a teenager to get away from him. My childhood was a nightmare and my teenage years were getting worse. When I got my drivers license I had a very bad accident and wrecked my car. Got many many tickets during my teens.

In high school I started a band and played guitar. Had a great time but could not seem to get along with my band mates and eventually quit. Played football and was very good at it, but quit. Joined the wrestling team, and quit. Had many relationships that I got out of when I got bored with them. Went through friends like I went through everything else. Could never figure out how other people got along so well with everyone and it was such a struggle for me. Had very low self esteem.

In my 4th year of high school I only had enough credits to be considered a 9th grader. At the end of my 4th year of high school I quit school and got my GED. Aced the GED. Had a job at the local airport in the hanger and quit that job to work fueling airplanes and helicopters. Started going to junior college, quit that. Started taking flying lessons, but liked helicopters more so started taking helicopter flying lessons. Learned to fly helicopters in record time! Ran out of money for lessons so got full time job selling computers at a huge computer distributor. Did great there at first but then couldn’t get along with coworkers and bosses. Quit after about a year and a half. Got a job for another computer distributor and quit after a few months. During this time I totally alienated my life long (both in the crib together as babies) friend. Continued to go through relationships like they were going out of style.

Then I joined the Coast Guard. Graduated 3rd in my company at boot camp. Believe it or not, 6 months later I found a way to quit. I actually found a way to quit the military. I was proud of that for a while because nobody can just quit the military.

Got married while in the military and had a horrible relationship with my first wife. Ended up going from job to job to job from apartment to apartment to finally a house and had my son. Ended up going bankrupt and loosing our house and cars to the bank eventually. Decided after years of marriage that I did not want to be married to my wife any more so I divorced her.

Ended up going through very messy child custody battle for my son and during that time went from job to job to job, from city to city to city, from relationship to relationship to relationship.

Never able to focus on anything. Not able to read a book without reading the same page over and over to understand it. Everybody pissed me off and nobody understood me. I had horrible relationships with everyone in my family. All of my friends from childhood or from school days wanted nothing to do with me.

I met this wonderful woman and ended up getting married again after being divorced for 6 years. Immediately problems with her friends and family started, when she never had any problems with them.

For year I thought maybe I was depressed or something like that. For years I’ve lived in a total and complete Fog. Thoughts constantly bouncing off of the inside of my skull like a ping pong ball. Never able to control my emotions or outbursts. I blamed everyone else for my problems and could not understand why I was the one who always had these problems.

Just found out day’s ago that I have severe ADD and so does my Mother. My son has it also. Read stories on this web site and tears started to run down my face as I read them. Everyone was describing my life to the “T”. For the first time I had an explanation to the nightmare I’ve been living for 37 years. I went to the doctor yesterday and he said I have all the symptoms and wants to get me on medication. Went today to get blood tests and urine tests for the doctor so he can figure out what to prescribe me. I’m hoping that this night mare is going to end soon and I can be just like a normal person one day. I’m a good person, even though I have horrible self esteem problems. I hope someone benefits from me telling my story.