Holland’s Story

So, how’s it going everyone? At 3pm on March 14, I was diagnosed with Adult ADD by my psychiatrist. We sat down and I told him that I thought it was possible that I had this disorder. He pulled out an ADD test sheet and began to ask questions, which he would answer with a 1,2,or3. I had mostly 2s and 3s. He said I was more of a mind to daydream, so it was ADD not AD/HD.

I always knew something just wasn’t right with me. I had a great imagination, but I had trouble focussing unless it was something of great interest to me. I was a sloppy kid…awful penmenship, my clothes were always rumpled and wrinkled, hair was a mess, my homework would be folded and jamed in my pocket, only to be forgotten.

Then I developed anxiety/depressive disorder a few years ago, but truth be told, it’s always been there.

You know how hard it is to be ambitious but not be able to dedicate yourself to a project or even household chores? I’m currently in college. I received an asociates in library science, and they were the hardest years of my intellectual life, because you have to sit there and pay attention to something you know you’ll forget later unless it is immensley interesting. I’m getting my B.S in the same field, and I’m weeks behind in one of my classes. Of course I’m cought up in Theater, why, because I like entertainment.

Oh, it can be so disheartening to know that unless you write somehting down 20 times or use flashcards, information will not be retained.

I informed my boyfirend that I had ADD, and you know what he said? “It’s just an excuse.” Isn’t that nice? As if I’m just lazy and stupid instead of having a neurological disorder. Yes, I just love only taking two courses at a time, while incurring school loans, because I can’t seem to handle more than that.

But, the doctor perscribed Concerta, which I took today for the first time, and I have to say I was more alert to my environment. I purchased one of those white boards so I can jot down my priorities and get things started and finished instead of procratinating.

There’s so many things I’d like to accomplish, big and small, but never had the energy or the guts to do them, because of fear that I am underdeveloped or deffective. I’m going to do my best, that’s all I can say. But let me tell you it was good to put a name to this hell I’ve been living in, and that I’m not useless, lazy, or stupid. And most importantly, Im not alone! Thanks for letting me share my thoughts with you, Holland