s long as I can remember I was the ’emotional one” the “trouble maker”, that one bad kid who never had her homework finished on time, except history class. I got only A+’s on that topic, including names, places, dates etc.
Got an IQ test when I was 12, and scored above average. It was a clear sign for teachers, parents and study leaders that I must be very lazy, have no backbone, and lack any interest in academics.
My high school diploma was a huge drama, I got a grade 10 diploma (Europe) never graduated according to the North American requirements. I started to work and had some good paying jobs, but often felt not complete. Usually I moved on to another job since this must have bin the cause of my feelings of sadness. Often I had to listen to the stories my parents told others about their children but especially the one who was sooo difficult. I felt guilty, truly guilty for what a horrible period in their life I had given them.
Got married, was blessed with children, and found out after some years that our middle son showed the same behavior I had when he got older. This time I wanted answers. I knew that this was not being lazy or dumb. He was not going to grow up with the same feeling I did!
He got diagnosed with ADD after testings. Oh yes I have had heard of ADHD, you know, those little impossible kids who are bouncing up and down the wall, those kids that just need a firm hand in guiding them throughout the day, those horrible kids that I was glad I didn’t had.
Since my son had ADD without the hyper activities I felt blessed. I did noticed the huge change in him when he took his medication. You see, I am always hungry when it comes to knowledge, and therefore I did research. What did the medication do, and why is he so different then without this medications?
I came upon a website with a story about a mom and her son…..she was telling MY life story on that website !!!
I looked at my son again and noticed that I felt envy, how come he was so different, much more complete and happier? Just because of this little capsule he took daily? It was clear to me, I NEEDED to try his medication. I wanted to feel for myself what it was that made this huge change possible in him.
OH MY GOODNESS! For the first time in my life I felt complete. I cannot describe the feeling I had when I took his medication. Maybe you can compare is with wearing dirty foggy glasses on your nose and cotton balls are stuffed in your ears. You can’t see or hear proper. No-one knows that your glasses are extremely dirty, no-one knows that your ears are plugged therefore it is impossible to hear. And yet, people are labeling you as lazy dumbo. You know deep inside that there must be something wrong with you, but the problems with eye sight and hearing is unknown, since this is the only view you had from the day you were born. And then one day this little capsule with medication makes you realize that you need to take the glasses of your nose and the cotton balls out of your ears. You can hear and see EVERYTHING!
The following day I made an appointment with my doctor right away, and after that visit I got a referral to be tested. “Text-book case of ADHD, in childhood and in adulthood” was the end-result. Everything fell in place. I got answers to my questions; “Why was I so difficult? Why was I so lazy? How come I never completed anything in my life and always felt restless?”
I had a long talk with my parents and this time they were the ones who felt very guilty. We came to the conclusion that back in those days you were or a ‘normal kid’ or a ‘retard’. There was no way in between. I never blamed my parents for not knowing. They did the best they could do with the tools and knowledge that was available.
Today….
I am on regular medication, not a high dose, but high enough that I can function much better then before and am truly happy. The guilt of being lazy, dumb or just difficult is gone.
I embraced ADHD as part of my life. I truly love the fact that ADHD enhanced my creativity, that no goal is to high for me, and that I will not give up until all is completed. ADHD isn’t so bad, it gave me so much more qualities and abilities then a “normal” person. After all not everyone becomes a Manager with almost a miljon dollar budget and is leading a staff steam of more then 20 people with only grade 10 diploma.
Most of all, I embrace ADHD because this is the way I was created!