Monique’s Story

Hey everyone, I am a 26 yr old female and I was diagnosed with ADD this past August “07” (just last month). It feels like a dream, its very wierd. I feel some relief because all my life I knew something was different with me than others but didn’t know what. Now that I know what I wish it would go away.

I went through school in the honors classes and was in advanced standing in undergrad so I only had to do one year for my masters degree in grad school. It was extremly hard but I did it. It was always hard to study but I learned how to memorize things word for word, front to back. The only trick with that is a while after the test is over I forgot most of the data I studied.

Everything always seems so exuasting especially since I feel like everything needs to be perfect. So much work and effort goes into everything. I feel like, if I am perfect then not only am I like everybody else but maybe even a little better, but its getting so hard to keep up the perfection. I am getting tired.

I have both degress in Social Work, I am an MSW, this is my third year in the field. Its hard to believe that I have what some of the kids I work with have. I feel like I am not as good as the other social workers so I try to prove that I am, it doesn’t feel good. Just coming to terms with having ADD and soon starting meds and researching what all this means for my life is exciting, intersting, wierd, and upsetting at the same time.

This Wednesday I will get my perscription for Concerta (if anyone is taking this I would like to know what you think). Wow, Meds for the rest of my life!?! Everyday?!! Just to do what everyone else does?!! Why, why me, just because of some genetic crap, that sucks!!!

Its a bit exciting and interesting because I have been living this way for 26 years, I want to know what will change. What will be different? What will feel different? Will things be easier? Will I be more sucessful? Will I think differently about things? Will people like me more? Will I feel sick from the meds? Will I lose weight? So many questions, so many possibilities. The ultimate question is; Will life be better?
I was ashamed and embarassed to tell my family and my boyfriend when I was diagnosed I felt that they would think I was stupid or throw it off as nothing like; “Oh thats not true, you can sit still”. They don’t know much about the disorder, and until I really researched and now know that I have it I realized I didn’t either.

I hate this feeling, I am sure that things get easier as you accept everything in time but whenever I feel like ok I accept this, I think “what ADD, no not me, I am just like and as good as everybody else”. Am I going to have to prove that I am as good as everybody else now? If so I feel tired just thinking about it.

My boyfriend and I decided to learn more about ADD together which makes me feel supported somewhat. Sorry this is so long I guess I got some thoughts out that I don’t think anyone really wants to hear me say, noone seems to want to talk about it or maybe thats just in my mind. Thanx for the time.