Lady’s Story

ill call myself “Lady P” for now cause I am shy. (I have had bad experiences giving out personal info online. sorry ’bout that.)

What I would like to do is write a response to Gracie if that is possible???

I am 32 year old woman who has a.d.d. and I have the EXACT same problem!! I have been working on it off and on since my husband and I have moved into our new house about 2 years ago. I think I may have o.c.d. in response to my a.d.d. if that makes sense? (I am not on medication and If I do not get organized then I can not function. the mess brings out the ADD, and the ADD BRINGS OUT THE MESS 🙁 ) I now have become obsessed with trying to figure out how to clean because ever since I moved in I have not been able to function. AT ALL. matter of fact i went into a depression and have not really tried to look for a job.

I have tried to apply for a few but I think my last job discriminated against me because of my a.d.d. I was going through a lot in my personal life. A LOT. and unfortunately it brought out all my awful a.d.d. qualities. it was humiliating. I have gotten to the point that I was able to function and keep things in check. but when you go through personal problems it all goes out the window.

(I am not on meds and my mind is all over the place sorry for rambling.)


I don’t know if it will work for you but I have a chart I use… I tape it to my fridge and first thing in the morning I do a few things on my daily list… it is the ONLY way i can keep my house somewhat decent where I am not going mad tripping over things and go into a depression because i live in a dump. the messy house thing I think really effects us more because its like this hamster wheel… you can never really get there. you keep trying and trying and its like you keep spinning your wheels and it just gets so overwhelming that you break down and cry.. because no matter how much you try it just gets messy again because we are so disorganized by nature to begin with. the chart thing is something that I did years ago. and I have been working on it because since I moved here i would use it but I put so much to do on the list that I hyper-focused on that and that is what i ended up doing with my life. after a week or two of going into mrs. clean mania… i would completely give up and go into despair.

I finally got it to the point where it is only a few basic things and helps me to keep basically the house picked up so it is “decent” but I am not killing myself 24 hours a day. and then if i have a day where i do have time to just clean that day I can pick something from my “weekly list” on the side of my chart. (I have one main chart with the days of the week and a couple of basic stuff, and on the side i have a list of weekly things. I don’t HAVE to do them but if i am feeling ambitious i can try to do a 1- a few one week. and alternate the next week. … so even if i get none of the weekly stuff done… at least the daily stuff gets done. (I.e. feed the cats so they dont starve, switch the dishes, bring the trash downstairs so it doesn’t overflow. empty the laundry into the sorter downstairs.) then at night after my day i will do one or two loads of laundry.

I have gotten it down to taking me 15 min. to one 1/2 hour in the morn. I knew i used to be able to be this efficient but it took me a while to fine tune it. It will be harder for you because you have kids I know… so it is CRUCIAL you make your husband help (hopefully if you are married and he is open to this it will help … most of my friends their men are not so open to it and my best friend has been thinking divorce because even though she works full time and he works full time he still expects her to do all the cleaning. and SHE HAS A BACK INJURY. its not possible. and she has lost a lot of weight from the depression of it…. anywhoo…. )

My hubby has a back injury and has his own disability… another reason i didn’t go back to work right away because it was so bad for a while i had take care of him. he was disabled and couldnt get around. now he has been doing his physical therapy. still i was so overwhelmed I felt that i was (and still feel alone) so isolated in this new place and alone… and at first i felt so wonderful in my heart i could take care of him but that is all i am now… i am this woman with a.d.d. who can’t even get a job because i am getting bad references somewhere on my resume and they wont hire me ( i have to go to a career counselor and have someone call my references and find out which job it is) and I can’t even keep up with cleaning even when that is all I do all day long!

I started going to counseling but them couldn’t afford it. its a long story. I am doing better now because i have given myself goals and i am taking them in small pieces. One of which was to do some serious cleaning out in the house of things I have not unpacked. this past summer within one month i purged through 40 boxes. ( those clean sweep shows really helped me to learn how to attack it.) IT still was a nightmare. It is amazing how not being able to keep your house normal… it puts you in a depression because you can’t even function as a normal human being when there is crap everywhere and you can’t find anything. I know with my a.d.d. I HAD NOT CHOICE but to fix it because even when i was in my old house and I was organized. If i let it go it would cause me to be late for my job and written up. I had to be RELIGIOUS bout it. I have had so many troubles keeping a job because of my mess. So absolutely I can relate.

Now I know I don’t have kids so it is a totally different situation you have more mess. you MUST make the kids do chores. you will go into a depression or want to leave your life because what normal person can function when the others in the house do not help? I hope this isn’t too personal and I don’t know you or your situation and if i am out of line I apologize. and even if you can’t relate. perhaps what worked for me may help you? You can email me and I can scan in my chart and attach it… then you can look at it and make your own.. kinda like use mine for inspiration and then do yours the way that would work for you and your family.

Like I said my husband is disabled and he helps me. I have felt badly about it but I tell you what! It helps him. Being in bed and not being able to get up and walk around … especially for a man made him not have much reason for living. him starting to help me out got him walking around and the exercise helps him to be normal.

Basically I put the chart up on the fridge every two weeks. And some days when he feels like cleaning he will do a few things and check them off on the list. it helps me sooo much. even though I don’t let him do certain things because i dont want it to hurt his back. I know that I was getting so overwhelmed trying to do it all myself and I don’t even HAVE kids. all my friends do and they don’t even have a.d.d. and so I can just imagine what you are going through. I hope you have a family you can talk to who you can be open about and tell them how you are just one person and ask them for help. maybe you can make it fun and give the kids incentives?

My grandmother used to make all her kids do chores early and help her with everything. there is nothing she did alone. which today we feel like as a mom the mothers should do it all. when my aunts and uncles (when they were little) finished on sat. morning they would all go to the beach. If you have tried all this before I am sorry. I don’t know where you are in this situation. I hope I am not making any assumptions. I am still in depression and I think i may need to go to a counselor myself.

Please write to me sometime when you get the chance. Also anyone else interested let me know or perhaps there is a way I can send it to this sight???? I CAN NOT EMPHASIZE (sp?) ENOUGH HOW MUCH THIS HAS SAVED ME!!! it has saved part of my sanity. now I have energy and time left over to deal with what is really important. researching careers and looking into going back to school so I don’t have to keep working these low wage jobs I am terribly unhappy in. and deal with the a.d.d. to