Belinda’s Story

My name is Belinda and I am 45. I found out last March that I have ADHD and am slightly Bi-polar. As I have read all the stories I can see that this is real.

I thought that I was stupid most of my whole life. People told me that I was dingy or that I made to many mistakes. I tried to be perfect for years, not knowing why I could not focus or complete projects to the best of my abilities or why I seamed to rush through everything. I did not mean to rush, but always did. I had a drive to finish, just get it finished.

In High School I was always the one the Teachers thought would be smart. I was quite and sat in the front and would try so hard to listen. Before you knew it, I was so lost. It was there and then gone. Deep down I really felt that I was really smart, but did not know how get it out.
At times when I speak, the words come out wrong. Or I speak so fast that people would look at me like I was crazy. That would make me feel stupid and I would just stop talking. I began to be that nice quite girl that girl that is so sweet so people would be kinder to me. Then I began to laugh at my self so when I said something off, they would think I was just joking. I quit school in the 11th grade because I thought it would be better to quit than to fail.

I have had a hard time with money and making good decisions. I struggled with self esteem and the feeling of being a failure. My children and God are the only things that kept me going.

When it comes to a job I make a great first impression and can get a job in second, but can not keep one longer than two years. I make too many mistakes. But I am loyal. I will do what ever you tell me to. Come in early and stay late. I make list and check them twice and my desk was the most organized. I help everyone that needed assistance. Customers love me. I am the nice girl the sweet girl the one everyone can talk to. But made too many mistakes.

Last March I went to my doctor and told her that I thought I was going crazy. She said it was just my age. After several visits she sent me to a counselor. The counselor told me that I was delightful and very intelligent. I asked her why I felt stupid. I told her about my struggles and she tested me for ADD. She said I was defiantly ADHD. She said I was wound up like a top. My next visit was to the Physic and he prescribed me Zoloft for the Bi-Polar and Striterra for the ADHD.

We are still working with the Dose, but I am better. I was able to sit here and read all the stories on this site and not feel like I was going to explode inside. But I still need more help with the focus issue. I just have a hard time blocking out everything and just get the feeling I will explode inside when trying to make my self listen when people talk about something boring to me. But I can see a real difference. With the love and support of my Husband and my trust in God, this is not going to control my happiness.

Thank you for your stories. We seem to all vary a little but we all can relate.  I am not a lone and others know what I am going through.  That is a nice to know.  Never give up!