Gracie’s Story

I am a 15-year-old high school freshman. ADD has made my life hard and way too confusing.

It does not help that I have Cyclothymia , a mood disorder kind of like Bi-Polar, i go through stages to deep deep black hole depression for no reason, flashes of anger and areas of calm in between. I spend most of my time in the depression. I get in fights with my friends a lot because they don’t understand why I can be pissed off, hyper, depressed, chill, on top of the world and then pissed off again in one day, sometimes one hour.

what really makes things worse sometimes is the fact that I don’t get along with my mom. yeah, a lot of teenagers don’t get along with their parents, but I have never gotten along with my mom. even in the stages of childhood where everyone else was close to their moms.

But my family cares, they really do.

When they first noticed something wrong with me when I was in 5th grade, they took me to psychologists and had me tested. they figured out I have NVLD (non-verbal learning disorder). at the time, I was attending a montessori school. yikes. that was also the time where they figured out about my depression. my parents didn’t want to medicate me, because they thought I was too young.

When I switched to JMS, a middle school closer to home, I had so much trouble. I had no friends, I was bullied, I was just different. The only friendship I had was an abusive relationship with a backstabbing bitch who used me. So, I became Anorexic. I got so depressed, it hurts to look back at the memories. In eighth grade, I made friends, friends who saved me from the backstabbing bitch. Life was good. it was around this time that I was being medicated.

I would get a medication perscribed, then go in for medicine checks a week later and figure out it wasn’t working and I was having negative side effects. I think I have tried every ADD medicine and every anti-depressant there is. I am finaly on the right drugs. Life was good for a while. the summer between 8th and 9th was a summer to remember, so fun. I had barely any depression. then, 9th grade started. I discovered that my friends from 8th had moved out of state. so, once again, I was friendless. the backstabbing bitch picked me up as a friend again. around homecoming time, I had made friends who were good. then, the shit hit the fan.

I got asked to homecoming by a guy I had a crush on. he decided that I would also be his girlfriend and didn’t tell me. this made things complicated. he dumped me as a date and ‘girlfriend’ the next day. I only cried over him because stress had been building up from other things, and I just snapped. a few days later, I got asked to homecoming again, by my best guy friend. we had planned on going as friends.

I got my dress and everything. the day before homecoming, I learned that he had gotten a girlfriend and a date behind my back. I was PISSED. after homecoming, the girl broke up with him out of anger of what he had done to me, and now, she’s one of my best friends. I have pretty much given up on boys, they’re jerks.

Fast forward to february. my best friend’s 17 year old boyfriend started stalking me. he left insanely long voicemails on my cell in the middle of the night. he would text me constantly, send me pictures of himself etc. I asked him to stop, but no such thing happened. I snapped when he sent me a picture of himself in a bathtub with no shirt on. I went to the SRO (school resource officer) and finaly, after the SRO talked to my stalker’s parents, I was free.

The point of this story is that I had too many emotions build up, distractions, depression about being ditched, and many many many more.

I know this is an ADD site, but emotions are a part of ADD.

Now, It’s almost the end of the school year. my grades are low low low. I keep getting distracted by spring fever. ADD attacks constantly. I am working my ass off to get my GPA up. School is hard.

Living with ADD is hard. I hate complaining, but it is.